First

lilies-lora-mitchell

The key finally turned and Kerri stumbled into her dark apartment. She grabbed two bottles of water, knowing one wouldn’t be enough, and threw her heels down the hall towards her room.

The sun already started to rise, though it was difficult to tell through the clouds. Kerri didn’t care. She grabbed the flowerpot from the windowsill and popped up, knees to chest, in its place.

Lillies. Her very first house warming present for her very first apartment. She hugged the gift from her mother in a bittersweet embrace and smiled down at the vibrant city below. The rain reflected in her glistening eyes as she dreamed of the adventures the city held in store.

friday-fictioneers

My contribution to this week’s Friday Fictioneers, a 100 word writing challenge. Check it out and feel free to participate!

Advertisements

59 responses to “First

    • Why thank you! 🙂 What a kind and genuine compliment. I try to portray the images in my head the best I can and as detailed as possible. I’m so glad that it’s coming across that way to others as well!

  1. Hi Marisa,
    If she’s not getting home until sunrise, it sounds like the adventures have already started! Great voice here, youthful and ebullient. Thanks for the nice comment on my story! Ron

  2. Ah, freedom at last. Out from under Mother’s wing.
    One place that tripped me up a little on my first read was the sentence about replacing the flower pot from the window sill with herself. After reading it again, it became clear. You might consider rephrasing it — or not. It’s just a thought.

    • I always appreciate that sort of constructive feedback. I might try to think of how to rephrase so it’s less confusing. Thank you for reading! 🙂

  3. She sounds so excited and hopefully about her new life. That’s great.
    I’m a bit confused by this sentence: “She grabbed the flowerpot from the windowsill and popped up, knees to chest, in its place.” This sounds to me as though she jumped onto the windowsill, which she probably didn’t. 🙂

    janet

    • I might think of how to rephrase so it’s a little less confusing. Sorry about that one! But glad you enjoyed it nonetheless 🙂

  4. Ok, I hate it! 🙂 It dragged me in with wonderful details and in a few short words I started to CARE about her and her world, wondering, wanting to see and know more … and then … well, you understand I am sure! Keep it up and you are going to INSPIRE me to try fiction again (maybe …. someday … ) Thanks Marisa for yet another tantalizing, well-written snippet! Sneaks off to find, How to Write a Story (or maybe just fix myself some supper) Keep it up!! Love to read your creative soul.

    • You just made my day. I love to hear you’re enjoying these short clips of fiction my imagination conjures up. I would love to read some of your fiction one day, if presented 🙂

      • You are welcome to check out my OLD fiction attempts, Fiction Page on my blog. I actually like one or two or those and one story is my only claim to publication! If I tried fiction I would have to relearn all that icky stuff I hate, grammar, punctuation, point of view, etc etc etc … but we will see. Besides, I can just read yours and ENJOY 🙂

  5. I had kind of hoped there had been some conflict with the mom, therefore, the lilies would be a nice resolution. What say you, Marisa?

    Good descriptions, nice tone.

    • Thanks so much! Could be! Or just a loving, bittersweet gesture from a parent who wants happiness and adventure for their child but also has a hard time letting go. Open to interpretation 🙂

  6. Wonderful depiction of one of life’s milestones, however, I agree with others about the windowsill sentence–takes a second read for clarification and, therefore, disrupts the flow (which, otherwise, works).

Leave me something, I'd love to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s