Stairway to…

The 100 word story challenge, better known as Friday Fictioneers, is a weekly writing prompt run by author Rochelle Wiseoff-Fields every, wait for it…. Friday! 🙂 It’s a community of writers who participate and/or offer constructive critism and encouragement to one another. Check out the blog and take part, or even just read the work of others and offer some feedback and incite! My first contribution is below and I always welcome feedback and constructive critism from others. As a writer,  I cannot grow without it.

stairs

The car screeched to a violent halt. Warmth immediately ran down her face. Her dizzy focus shifted left, where he hung over the wheel in a twisted, lifeless expression.

Her mind swirled in a flash of light and sound. Consciousness was at its height, yet everything felt distant, as if nothing made sense, and never had.

Squeezing her eyes shut, the infinite staircase appeared.

Eyes ascending, she placed one foot on the first step. A commanding force immediately jolted her backward. The shock pulsated through her chest as she tumbled to the ground. Enduring a second blow, her eyes slowly began to flicker.

friday-fictioneers

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54 responses to “Stairway to…

  1. Oh wow! Well done! There were so many possibilities to work with – a spiral being such a strong symbol, and I must admit I thought of this what you wrote about as well. Good job. Pity nobody else saw this. Did you post late?

  2. Very nice. Great job of capturing the story in so few words. It’s easy to picture the scene as her focus shifts to the stairway, and the scene behind the scene as she’s trying to climb it.

    I can only think if one thing I might change. Can you find a different word for “strong”? The phrase “strong force” seems to lack the strength of the rest of the story. A stronger word for strong? 🙂

  3. I love the line ‘Squeezing her eyes shut, the infinite staircase appeared.’ First because of the use of the staircase being the ‘other side’ and second because its being described as infinite. That idea made the entire story thought provoking for me. It made me think, ‘well darn if that’s all that’s waiting for me I better live my life to the fullest.’ The placement of the line also makes it stand out. I also liked the line ‘as if nothing made sense, and never had.’ It creates a sad, distant feel to that otherworldly part of the piece. Well done! 🙂

    • Thank you so so much. That’s exactly what I was going for! So glad to hear that’s what you took for it, and enjoyed it as well 🙂

  4. Hello Marisa! Great story! I too at first saw a ‘stairway to heaven’ then it changed. I love yours, I could feel her feelings. 🙂

  5. That last paragraph is so telling. This has the potential to go so many places. I totally see her surviving and finding out her husband (I’m assuming) was keeping some major secret from her. Maybe the accident wasn’t an accident at all, but was done on purpose and she wasn’t meant to survive.

    • Brianna, you read my mind! And, I love that haha As soon as I was finished with this piece, I wanted to continue the story and was thinking about doing a second post (at some point) of a longer or continued version. So glad you felt the same exact way haha Not sure what direction it’ll go yet, I guess we’ll see….

      • I never know where my stories are going to go until I start writing. I’m working on historical fiction right now and it’s going places I never imagined. It’s like my hands become possessed when I sit down to write.

      • Me too. It’s a killer for sure. The research is so involved and overwhelming.

  6. I like the way the picture captures the story.
    Well done.
    I stumbled across your blog through a mutual follower/friend.
    I am following if that is ok.

    Shaun x

    • Of course!! So happy you stumbled on over, and thanks for the kind words. Just checked out your blog as well. Needless to say, I can’t wait to read more from you 🙂

  7. Welcome to the wonderful word of Fictioneers, Marisa. I like the unexpected ending. I look forward to reading more of your stories in the upcoming weeks.

    Just a small thing–” Consciousness was at it’s height”–“its” not “it’s”.

  8. A powerful entry to FF! Very -very nice writing. You threw your character around quite a lot, emotionally and physically! Marisa, in your last paragraph two sentences start with a gerund – ‘ing’ or close to it, with ‘E’ twice.. I don’t think it needs changing, but somehow it broke the rhythm a touch – though the paragraph remains gripping..

    • Thank you for both reading my entry, and your generous feedback. You’re absolutely right. I stumbled over this paragraph a bit and it isn’t as fluent as I’d like it to be. Something I’m continuing to work on. I truly appreciate it though! Looking forward to next weeks already 🙂

    • Thanks Ted, glad to be a part of the contributing crew! And yes, I think so, but I suppose even I can’t be sure. It’s open to your own perspective…. or imagination 🙂

  9. I’ve always been fasinated by near-death experience stories, and actually visited with one person who had one. You’ve wove a great story here.
    I’d suggest leaving out (or substuting) the word “immediately” in the 2nd sentence. And Thank You very much for signing up to follow my blog. I look forward to reading more from you as well.

    • They are extremely fascinating, and definitely exciting to experiment with when writing. Thank you for reading and for your suggestion! They are always so appreciated. If fascinates me that others always seem to point out exactly what I’m already questioning myself. I guess that’s a good thing for me at least, I’m on the right path… whatever that is 😉

  10. Hi, Marisa! Welcome to our group of crazies. My cousin is Rochelle, whom I call the “empress” of this blog. 😀 I’m sure you’ll enjoy getting to know us.
    Anyway, your story was a pretty cool read. Thanks for sharing it. It’s always good to see people doing what their imaginations tell them.
    If ever you want some feedback or a little instructional help, just let us know. We’re always wanting to better ourselves, too.

    My real name is Kent Bonham, but I go by the wmqcolby because (believe it or not) someone already HAD my name! Oh well …
    Looking forward to seeing more.

    Kent

    • Hi Kent! It’s great to meet you. Thanks for stopping by and reading my story for this week. I would absolutely love any feedback or input you have to give. What could be better then learning and growing with the assistance of fellow writers! I appreciate the offer and the warm welcome 🙂

  11. Dear Marisa,
    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. Once you start it’s hard to quit. I joined the already formed group and look what happened to me. 😉
    A few people seemed to see life after death in this lighthouse photo. Interesting. A lot of potential in your story.
    shalom,
    Rochelle

    • Hi Rochelle! Thank you for the welcome. I’m so glad to meet the “leading lady” of the blog 😉 And excited to be a new participant in the group. Looking forward to contributing future submissions and sharing in the fantastic work of others!

  12. Very well done! The subtle imagery you described is thought out so precisely. Flash fiction is not easy to conquer, but you definitely did. I will be checking out the blog you mentioned!

    • Thanks Ashley! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Definitely check it out. I’ve been participating in a few and they are helpful to get my mind going in different creative directions, not to mention fun! Can’t wait to read some of yours 🙂

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