19 Things I Learned from Watching the Superbowl

footballLike the millions of other Americans both interested and not interested in football, I watched the Super Bowl last Sunday. And while I’m not necessarily a fan of either team, nowadays the excitement surrounding the game is an event in itself. We Americans tend to take something and blow it up to maximum capacity, so why should one of the most “American pastimes” of football be any different?

While engaging in this grand celebration of competition, marketing, gambling, drinking and entertainment, I drew some conclusions of my own and they are as follows:

  1. Football is no longer a game, it’s a spectacle.
  2. Beyonce is a perfect human specimen.
  3. Focus group + Hidden Camera = WIN
  4. “Dongle” might be one of the best words ever.
  5. No matter how beautiful one party is, it’s not enough to keep others from vomiting when watching a close-up, saliva swapping make out session.
  6. When you’re the MVP, you’re allowed to drop F-bombs on live TV.
  7. Driving a Volkswagen will cause one to develop a Jamaican accent.
  8. Never forget to pay the electric bill.
  9. Go Daddy is the creepiest company in the entire world.
  10. Everyone on twitter is hilarious, and sarcastic tweets about the Super Bowl are far more exciting than watching the actual Super Bowl.
  11.  Nothing beats an astronaut. Not even a man beating a shark with his own hands.
  12. Amy Poehler is not as well versed in technology as I thought she’d be.
  13. Stevie Nick’s “Landslide” could bring one to tears on its own, but when combined with the love and bond between a man and a Clydesdale, watch out because the flood gates are open!
  14. Jennifer Hudson needs to get off of Weight Watchers. I want to feed her a cheeseburger.
  15. God made farmers… So now I’m just wondering who made the rest of us?
  16. I should have publicized my miracle Ryan Gosling stain a while ago!
  17. Giant Pistachios are surprisingly magnificent dancers.
  18. People will bet on ANYTHING. I hope Alicia Keys dragged out those last notes on purpose. Suckers!
  19. Calvin Klein man. Enough said.

5 responses to “19 Things I Learned from Watching the Superbowl

  1. This sport is not big in our country – but while living and working out of Victoria, Vancouver Island – I learned to enjoy watching and the atmosphere at the stadium in Seattle – when the Seahawks was playing. Love it … I watched the match … And they won so easy.

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